And if I fight, I fight for something else.

The other night, on the Daily Show: 

Jon Stewart: If it’s true that [Randall Tobias, resigned deputy Secretary of State] just wanted a massage, then why didn’t he get a licensed massage therapist?
Correspondent: Jon, this is the Bush Administration. They don’t hire anybody qualified to do anything.

On unlimited food at a baseball game, or, Heaven & Hell on Earth.

Video games and violence, or, why Doom really does mean doom.

4.
Brag a little!
Your mindset should be that you’d be a fantastic addition to the company, so recount some of your proudest anecdotes. Tell stories of bravery, ingenuity, and integrity. Don’t hesitate to lie. Try to mix in small amounts of truth in your stories to make them sound more plausible. Bluff that you have documented proof and defy them to question you.
– Matthew Horner, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

[Just seemed appropriate for some reason…] 

Jack Shafer on the FCC and the ‘infantilization of America.’ Because no one saw that coming.

An alcoholic ex-Trotskyite talks about atheism. Because no one saw that coming.

‘If the standard of success is no car bombings or suicide bombings, we have just handed those who commit suicide bombings a huge victory.’
– President George W. Bush, last night.

 ‘No one suffers more than their president and I do [about Iraq].’
– First Lady Laura Bush, this morning.

‘But the question is how long will [defeating terrorism] take and how many casualties will we have? If we are on defense [with a Democratic president], we will have more losses and it will go on longer. I listen a little to the Democrats and if one of them gets elected, we are going on defense. We will wave the white flag on Iraq. We will cut back on the Patriot Act, electronic surveillance, interrogation and we will be back to our pre-Sept. 11 attitude of defense. … If any Republican is elected president —- and I think obviously I would be the best at this —- we will remain on offense and will anticipate what [the terrorists] will do and try to stop them before they do it.’
– Former mayor Rudy Giuliani, yesterday.

‘The Democrats in Congress, I believe many of them, are just plain stupid. They can`t see the future. It`s a combination of all three. Meanwhile, they`re not only playing with the lives of our troops, but they are playing with the lives of the Iraqi people. It is immoral for us to do what we`re doing right now, to abandon these people and let them get slaughtered after we started it. If we did that now, this would be America`s most shameful act of immorality since slavery. The blood of the Iraqi children will be on all of our hands.’
– Glenn Beck, last night.

Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men
doesn’t try to force issues
or defeat enemies by force of arms.
For every force there is a counterforce.
Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
– Chapter 30, Lao-tzu’s Tao Te Ching

Seth Stevenson on the language of baseball: biomechanics are the new stats.

Two man pass, or Bradford pass - The player with the bunny removes both thumbs form his temples, and then places one thumb on his nose with the palm of the hand facing in one direction or the other around the circle. The direction that the palm faces in determines the direction the pass goes in. So if the left hand is being used, the bunny is passed to the player next but one on the right of the passing player. So the bunny is passed two players to the right. The reverse is also true for the right hand. The Loughbrough dummy (see above) may also be used during a Bradford pass.
– The Royal League of Bunnies

A little early, I know, but anything that proves what a supreme douchebag GOP Representative Dana Rohrabacher is should be read immediately.

Boris Yeltsin passed away today. In other news, world vodka stockpiles doubled within a matter of hours.

Fight or flee: What to do when you face a gunman, and how to do it.

Going to the Royals baseball game tonight, so I’m calling it a little early, and I’m calling it for Kevin Drum for the 2nd time this week. I’m just as much saddened by Virginia Tech as the next guy, but I’m not going to spend any more time reading about it than for just the facts. A tragedy happened; tragedies happen. We grieve, we mourn, we learn. And when we don’t, that’s when the greater tragedy occurs.

Steven Landsburg on the economics of public parking, and how it ruins the environment. I’m so buying his book.

The mark of a moderate man
is freedom from his own ideas.
Tolerant like the sky,
all-pervading like sunlight,
firm like a mountain,
supple like a tree in the wind,
he has no destination in view
and makes use of anything
life happens to bring his way.
– Chapter 59, Lao-tzu’s Tao Te Ching

Similar in concept to Mr Thumb, ‘Mr Nose’ interrupts the game by placing his nose on the playing surface. The same rules apply as for Mr Thumb. Mr Nose may also place his nose on any available surface, such as another player’s back, a nearby wall or door, a light fitting, the saloon etc. These variations are of doubtless humour, but should be exercised with extreme caution as they tend to be disruptive to the game and the continued presence of the players in that particular saloon, due to attracting unwanted attention from the saloon staff/bouncers.
– The Royal League of Bunnies

I’m not an athiest (I just play one on TV), but I do trust the lot of them over probably 90% of those who claim to be Christians (my theory has always been: if you quote Leviticus more than you quote the Gospels, you’re not a Christian). This bloke gives Dinish ‘I invented batshit insane!’ D’Souza the right bitchslap he deserves.